The Senseless Chronicle

Submitted by Jimmy B.

Nice.

Senseless Notes: Another Creative DWI

Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized La-Z-Boy

 

from Yahoo! News.  Photo from AP.

We've reported before about DWIs for riding motorized coolers and powered barstools, and it looks like they'll keep coming.

Originally built for going between the fridge, living room, and bathroom, Dennis Anderson took his power chair out to the bar and then got in an accident on the way home.  Busted!

Send in your ideas for more creative ways to get a DWI, and if yours is the next one that actually happens you win a Senseless Chronicle T-shirt!

Senseless Notes: Going On A Beer Run Is Ok, Stealing Beer Is Not Ok, Leaving Your Library Card Is Senseless

Library Card Leads Sheboygan Cops To Alleged Thief

So all the stores are closed and you're fresh out of beer?  What to do..... go to bed? No!!!  Go steal some beer from a tavern like 34 year-old Kristopher G. Lehnhardt did.  First he tried to jimmy the door lock, but which card to use?  Well, he didn't use his libray card much, so might as well try that. But it didn't work so he dropped the plastic and went around to break in via a basement window.  After liberating four cases of beer, the party was back on!   

Senseless Notes: Back Robber Too Tired To Go Into Lobby, Robs Bank From Drive Thru

  Arrest made in Bardstown bank robbery

From the Louisville NBC affiliate, 78 year-old William Rucker was late for bingo at the St. Ignatius Church so decided to save some time by conducting his bank robbery through the drive-through lane.  He sent in a package and a note saying there was a bomb and send back some money.  So the teller sent some cash.  And Billy got away with it for about 20 minutes.

Senseless Notes: If You're Doctor Sucks, Please Sign Here Saying You Won't Tell Anybody

Docs seek gag orders to stop patients' reviews

Who needs the newspaper when there's Yahoo! News?  Anyway, this article talks about how "Published comments on Web pages, blogs and/or mass correspondence, however well intended, could severely damage physician's practice,".  The doctors argue that only negative reviews get posted and people who like the same doctor just go on with their lives and don't spend time praising them on the same sites.  So let me take this opportunity to say that my doctor's office is wonderful and email me if you want the name (I might have signed one of those gag orders on my first visit, but I don't think so)
I believe that a) one or two bad reviews won't damage anything.  and b) 25+ bad reviews mean something's wrong, and they need to take issue with their practice and not some web site. 

Senseless Notes -- "I Can't Stand These Damned Bikers Anymore!"

Video shows NY cop opening up a can o' whoop-ass on a biker.

Then he arrests the biker and charges HIM with assault.  Rookies.....  I didn't realize that there was such a shortage of City cops that they grabbed bouncers from Scores and put them on the payroll, obviously skipping the IQ test and psychological profile due to time constraints.
I don't know why cops continue to behave like this in the age of cell phone cameras and video.  Pretty senseless.

Senseless Notes -- "I'm Special, Give Me A Million Dollars"

Man has typical experience flying, now is suing Delta for a mil.

Ok, so it's not exactly a typical experience, but it's also not a unique one.  But charging that your mom suffered "trauma" when your plan was pretty senseless in the first place is a pretty big stretch.  His first mistake was "to have his entire family, including several cousins, meet in Argentina for his mother's 80th birthday,"  He's just asking for some hassle then.  Mistake #2 was choosing Delta, but I guess that was necessary because that's how he got the tickets for FREE with his frequent flyer miles.  Then everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

Senseless Notes -- I Need To Get Out Of Jury Duty NOW

Man accused of handing pot to court security

Ok, so it doesn't say he was there for jury duty (it says he was just "visiting"), but they're getting a little better at catching the weed smokers before they blaze up.
See, what he should have done was brought a gun with him.  Then they'd be too concerned with confiscating THAT and wouldn't have even noticed the grass.

Senseless Notes -- $200 To See My Dingaling? How Bout $1000 For Me To Keep Quiet About It!

Texas School for the Deaf employee arrested on charges of improper relationship

There have been just too many stories about this stuff coming out of Austin!
This guy "confessed to his minister that he had sexually abused a minor and wanted to turn himself in" and afterwards "the minister then contacted police officials".   That's how it's supposed to work, if any catholic priests are listening.  None of that "absolution" shit and then move on to another deaf school in a different parish.
And the kid should have turned the guy in, but I guess felt morally obliged to keep his part of the bargain in the extortion deal.  Deaf culture is honorable that way.

Senseless Notes -- At Least He's Not Gay, Like SOME People He Knows

Fossella shuns his gay sister

Vito Fossella is such a strong proponent of Family Values, he's got TWO families!  But he "shuns his gay sister, Victoria Fossella, refusing to go to family events if she and her partner attend, a source close to the family said."  according to the Daily News.
All that's left now for his career is to be caught in a "wide stance".